So I have this ex who I dated right before I met my husband... an ex I sort of dated for like 4 years, broke up with, a few months later was dating Bill... and then I was engaged in less than a year. Now there is a lot of back story on this "relationship" like the fact that he in fact, only admitted that we were actually in one as of about... oh, when I told him I was engaged- but that's another story for another day (maybe). We also broke up a few times and got back together, but since I started dating him when I was 23/24, I essentially was with him all of my adult life until I wasn't. And then I was married. The End.
This all creates a weird juxtapositional vibe to our entire friendship since we still hang out once in awhile. He is still the same guy that is always going out drinking, going to concerts, living with roommates he barely speaks to, going to Vegas and coming back with weird stories and then he says so what have you been up to? Oh lets see, my brother in law was here last weekend and he and my husband played a lot of video games while I made cookies, then I had a really great coupon for such and such and that excited me, maybe we'll go to a movie next weekend... are your eyes glazing over? Are you even still listening to me?* Now, don't get me wrong I love my life and wouldn't trade it for that one in a zillion years, honestly it just sounds tiring, but we are most definitely in vastly different vicinities whereas 3 years ago we were in the same place and that's just jolting to realize. In the everyday it's just not something I think about.
Then there's the baggage that I realize I shouldn't still have since I clearly have moved on to a better place but it was never really dealt with. I felt petty ever trying to bring it up since it's so clearly past the expiration date. Like the reason we broke up for the final time. Let's just say it was a girl, and not one he cheated on me with or dated or is dating however he commonly says she's his ideal and has had a massive crush on her since high school. Let's also say that he chose to take her as his date to a friend's wedding instead of the girl he had been dating for 4 years. Oh, did I mention she is also married? Giant purple elephant in the room of our past relationship. At all times. Like when he starts talking at a recent dinner about how hot she is and how hot his friends thought she was and how they were surprised he had such a hot girl who hung out with him. Not that that happened or anything..... now while I know that logically that should not bother me in the least; it still stings, feels insulting, and makes me want to go run about 300 miles and go anorexic to lose all 30 of my extra lbs. What is it about the past that can still bite us in the butt? I think it's really just a version of that urge we all have to look like a supermodel with the happiest life ever whenever we run into an ex, especially one that at some point broke our heart into a zillion pieces and didn't even notice. Not that that ever happened either.
*For purposes of illustration I am only mentioning the mundane and not the BBQ we had last weekend during which Bill puked in our utility sink then got mad at the guy who refused to keep playing beer pong with him, the drinking game of staying sober death (seriously, NEVER EVER play anything with the name Waterfall in it if you have anything to do before noon the following day) and the fact that I passed out somewhere between the boys playing heavy metal on Rock Band while Lindsey sort of sang the lyrics of words she didn't know. Those events don't make the juxtaposition as obvious, and are also rare.
I don't really talk about myself much, I am going to start to change that because I think this blog is boring which is an insult to myself. For now, if any new people are curious feel free to learn 27 random things about me.
New Artwork from Lena Wolff
40 minutes ago